Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing: The Psychology of the Covert Antagonist

You know the type. They smile across the meeting room, nod at your ideas and reassure you that you’re “on the same page”. But then, behind closed doors, they undermine your decisions, question your competence, or quietly erode your credibility. This experience, "The Underminer",  is more common in organisations than we like to admit. And the emotional fallout can be significant.

Betrayal in professional relationships creates a unique psychological threat because it violates two core human needs: trust and safety. When those needs are threatened, our thoughts, feelings and behaviours shift, often in ways that don’t serve our wellbeing or performance. Understanding this cycle is the first step in taking back control.

When Trust Breaks: The Psychology Behind the Pain

Humans are wired for cooperation, reciprocity and belonging. Trust is a biological and social necessity, especially in environments where reputation and collaboration drive progress (Creswell, 2017). When we realise someone we considered a friend or ally is acting against us (a wolf in sheep’s clothing) the brain registers it as a social threat, activating neural pathways similar to physical pain (Lieberman, 2013).

This betrayal can come in many forms, including:

• The Underminer (praise in public, criticism in private)
•  The Business Backstabber (weaponises your words or vulnerabilities later)
•  The Credit Thief (claims the win, erases your contribution)
•  The Psychic Vampire (emotionally draining and destabilising)
•  The Passive-Aggressive Saboteur (uses your network, withholds information, or quietly damages your credibility through indirect means)
  

Passive-aggressive behaviour in particular is a well-documented form of indirect aggression, characterised by avoidance, withholding, subtle exclusion and reputational harm instead of open conflict (Björkqvist, 1994; Sutton & Keashly, 1995). In organisations, this often presents as ignored messages, selective silence, diminished acknowledgement or undermining through insinuation rather than accusation. Research shows that indirect aggression is frequently used when individuals want influence or control, but also want to avoid accountability or overt confrontation (Aquino & Lamertz, 2004). These behaviours are not benign, they corrode trust and destabilise community cohesion over time.

Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviours: The CBT Model

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) proposes that it is not events themselves, but our interpretation of those events, that determines our emotional and behavioural reactions (Beck, 2011). When facing betrayal or covert hostility, common automatic thoughts include:

“I must have done something wrong.”

“I can’t trust anyone.”

“I’m clearly not good enough.”

Such thoughts can trigger intense feelings, anxiety, anger, shame, hyper-vigilance, and produce behaviours such as avoidance, people-pleasing, withdrawal, rumination or defensiveness. Without intervention, these patterns can harm wellbeing and performance, and reduce psychological resilience (Harmelen et al., 2017).

Why Wolves Behave the Way They Do

Hidden antagonists are often driven by insecurity, status anxiety or low empathy. Research on the “Dark Triad”, narcissism, machiavellianism and psychopathy,  suggests these personality traits predict manipulative, exploitative and deceptive behaviour for personal gain, often without remorse (Paulhus & Williams, 2002). In professional environments, such individuals frequently adopt a likeable façade, masking competitive hostility with strategic charm.

Understanding this does not excuse the behaviour, but it helps prevent self-blame.

The Leadership Cost of Betrayal

When covert antagonism goes unchecked, psychological safety deteriorates. Teams become more guarded, less honest and less innovative (Edmondson, 2019). Leaders who avoid addressing these patterns may unintentionally reward them. The result: cultural erosion, talent loss and impaired decision-making.

A boundary is not aggression. It is clarity and self-respect.

Five Evidence-Based Strategies to Protect Your Wellbeing and Power

• Challenge the story your mind is telling you. When a colleague undermines or sabotages you, your first interpretation isn’t always the most accurate one. Use cognitive restructuring techniques to examine the evidence for and against your assumptions before reacting (Beck, 2011).
•  Regulate your emotional state before you respond. Betrayal and covert hostility can trigger anger, anxiety and shame, narrowing your thinking. Techniques such as paced breathing, journalling and cognitive reframing can reduce emotional intensity and help you respond rather than react (Gross, 2015).
•  Set clear boundaries to protect your time, energy and access. Boundaries are a leadership tool, not a conflict. Communicate factually, document interactions where appropriate, and establish the conditions under which you will communicate and collaborate (Linehan, 2014).
•  Test new behaviours to break unhelpful patterns. Through behavioural experiments, a core CBT strategy, you can act with confidence, gather real data, and challenge beliefs that fuel self-doubt or avoidance (Hofmann et al., 2012).
•  Strengthen your support system and seek psychologically safe allies. Healthy relationships buffer stress, reduce emotional fallout, and create a foundation of safety and accountability. Surrounding yourself with trustworthy colleagues helps counterbalance hostile ones and reinforces a culture of openness and respect (Edmondson, 2019).

A Three-Step Framework You Can Apply Immediately

1. Name It. Accurately identify the behaviour and call it what it is, internally, if not aloud. Labelling patterns reduces confusion and helps you respond with clarity rather than emotion.
2.  Reframe It. Remind yourself that their behaviour reflects their insecurity, not your inadequacy. You can control your perspective, even if you can’t control their actions.
3.  Act With Intention. Set boundaries, limit access if needed, document key interactions, and model the professionalism you want reflected back at you.

Wolves in sheep’s clothing feed on ambiguity, silence and self-doubt. When trust breaks, it can distort your thoughts, heighten your emotions and shape unhelpful behaviours, but it does not have to define your trajectory. By understanding the psychology, reframing your internal narrative and taking intentional action, you protect your wellbeing, preserve your influence and reinforce a culture where authenticity and accountability win.

The next time you feel destabilised by someone else’s behaviour, draw on these evidence-based strategies. They strengthen your self-leadership, protect your credibility, and help you respond with composure rather than reaction.

References:

Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Creswell, J. D. (2017). Mindfulness interventions. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 491–516.

Edmondson, A. (2019). The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. Wiley.

Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26.

van Harmelen, A. L., et al. (2017). Friendships and family support reduce subsequent depressive symptoms in at-risk adolescents. PLOS ONE, 12(5), e0179778.

Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioural therapy: A review. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427–440.

Lieberman, M. D. (2013). Social: Why our brains are wired to connect. Crown.

Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Paulhus, D. L., & Williams, K. M. (2002). The Dark Triad of personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Journal of Research in Personality, 36(6), 556–563